Fear and Trepidation

After a visit from an aspiring raw vegan, I have quite a few sprouts left over.  I don’t relish raw beans so I cooked something up.  Do you ever throw a dish together in the kitchen and then hesitate before the first bite?  Usually I have a good idea of what the results will be be, but here, I was not at all sure.

Mmmm, it was good.  Sigh of relief.  I sautéed some onion and a little bit of celery in olive oil, then threw in 2 handfuls of azuki bean sprouts, stirred a bit, then added some sprouted lentils, let that cook a few seconds, saw a chard leaf hanging around so put that in, then turned off the heat and poured in about a teaspoon of soy sauce and sprinkled on about a teaspoon of brewers’ yeast.

We can create our own situations of fear; here is another example.  This mésange, a blue tit, sees his reflection in the window and attacks.  One year he went on for hours until I thought of adding a sheer curtain to change the reflection.

She Laughed

A voice penetrated the haze of my concentration.  “I’m scared.”  Another replies, “Me too, I’m scared.”  I remembered the same fear I had experienced myself that very morning and laughed.  “Why are you laughing?” asked the lady next to me.  I answered, “If this were a sound track with no image, you wouldn’t guess that it was a watercolour class.”  I realized my neighbour was of a different culture and perhaps assumed that laughter means ridicule.  I often laugh when something is too true.  It feels so good to hit the nail on the head.

 

There are two cases that come to mind from the Word where laughter is a sign of disbelief.  One is when Sarah hears the announcement that she will have a child.

 

**They said to him, “Where is your wife Sarah?” And he replied, “There, in the tent.” Then one said, “I will return to you next year, and your wife Sarah shall have a son!” Sarah was listening at the entrance of the tent, which was behind him.  Now Abraham and Sarah were old, ad­vanced in years; Sarah had stopped having the periods of women. And Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “Now that I am withered, am I to have enjoyment—with my husband so old?”  Then the LORD said to Abra­ham, “Why did Sarah laugh, saying, ‘Shall I in truth bear a child, old as I am?’  Is anything too wondrous for the LORD?  I will return to you at the time next year, and Sarah shall have a son.”  Sarah lied, saying, “I did not laugh,” for she was frightened.  But He replied, “You did laugh.”**

Genesis 18:9-15

 

I recognize that feeling also.  Words and laughter slip out and when I realize it would have been better not to express that, I would like to erase it, redo from start, but lying does not erase.  It is like trying to rub out 6B pencil with your finger.

 

Here we have Mary as an image:

**The angel spoke to her with awe because he can only obey Me,

(but) her, I listen to; on her lip I can hear man’s moans

because she swallowed her defiance just as the servant holds back her vomit when her King is talking to her,

between her nerves she crushed her pride and suppressed her laugh;

she found the strength that lifts mountains,

she attained the excellence of salvation.**

The Revelation of Arès 33/14

 

 

With effort we can conquer our pride and our disbelief, the urge to lie, our fear, but I find it hard to control my laughter.  It just busts out.  I can try not to guffaw…………..too loud………. And I enjoy it so much.  I would like to be careful though that it only express joy or commiseration.

The watercolours we finished in class this week:

Liberty Exhibit v

La liberté fait peur à ceux qui ne connaissent plus que la prison du scepticisme, du cynisme et du malheur.

Freedom scares those who know only the prison of scepticism, cynicism and unhappiness.

Surprise, Surprise!

On the way to the airport, I put my hands in my pockets and found something in there, even though I thought I had finished with gloves for the season and taken them out. What was in there? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa – packets of seeds from last minute sowings the night before. What will happen to me at customs? I don’t want any hassles. Normally seeds are not a problem, but these days one never knows. There is a post office at the airport, but it was closed. We did find an envelope and stamps at the newsstand and put the package in the mailbox, addressed to myself.

Son and grandson met us upon arrival. Rather foggily, I noticed the car turn towards where they used to live and then continue past there. An errand to run perhaps? Then we turned into the driveway of a smart-looking house. They had signed the papers only four days before!

In France, when nothing has been added to a product, it is marked “naturel“. I remember my boys really liked mashed banana with plain yogurt and thought grandson might like that too. What a shock when I opened up the natural yogurt and it was purple! Blueberries go well with banana, but grandson was not tempted.

In North Carolina, we appreciated the redbud and flowering dogwoods. In Pennsylvania, we woke up to everything covered in white. I never dreamed of a white Easter!!!

It never occurred to me that there was a time change between North Carolina and Chicago. We thought our plane would be already boarding, but actually it wasn’t even there yet.

I did not like the announcements calling on us to report any suspicious behavior. It made me think of Russia where everyone spied on each other and turned each other in, at least if one can believe what is written in spy novels. I saw things I don’t think are normal — people drinking soft drinks, people who have poked holes in themselves. What if someone thinks I look weird? (Sometimes I think so myself.)

At home, watering in the greenhouse, I can’t remember what I planted. Hey, all I gotta’ do is open that envelope!

You may have guessed by now that food is one of my favorite occupations. Tonight I tried doing some candied violets (photo above). They were nice and open when I dipped them in the egg white, but as I pulled them out, they closed. I will taste them tomorrow.