I Disappointed Myself
After the work I did during a recent workshop, I was ready to do something for Couleurs de Bretagne that would be vibrant, colourful, somehow courageous. I prepared a chassis with stretched paper. I took along a folding table, hoping to work standing up, with bold strokes. The weather was not very encouraging but nevertheless I started in, wetting my paper, dropping in pigment, then the deluge fell and I picked up my work by the edge and let it all drain off. I put it in the car on a plastic bag I was lucky to have along and put the table away in the trunk.
Persevering nevertheless, I refused to paint the gray that was in front of me. I left out the crucifix since I find them grotesque. I even had to use the windshield wipers and defrost to see my subject. Jiggling my work on my knees, trying to keep an eye on the flowing puddles, I did contortions to get that tube of raw sienna there was no one to pass to me and where did I put that towel? I don’t know how many years it will be before I can get contrast in my art work, all by myself, like a grown-up.
This chapel belonged to the Lafayette family and probably most Americans have a soft spot for Lafayette since they teach us in school that he was our French friend that came over to help with our revolution and then went back to France for theirs. I only really became aware yesterday that he was a wealthy aristocrat. The stories of history have been recounted with spin from so many directions, it’s hard to see any of it clearly. I need to be wary of any source of prejudice, even while seeking a society without commanders, where all would be equitable, each one with an awakened conscience, working for Good.